A year ago, I remember sitting in a new mom's class crying. With raging mom guilt, I said through my sobs "I'm just trying to survive December." December is one of Bobby's months that he has the most work commitments- Big Ten Champions, Conferences, and Bowl Games- all falling on the weekend. I had this new baby and a three year old that was getting to understand Christmas and I was all by myself. I wanted to make all these special traditions from the very beginning. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make it absolutely perfect.
But as I got closer to December, things kept creeping up on me- Bo's school holiday party, gifts for Grandparents, Christmas card pictures. These things were the must haves on my list. So I worked tirelessly to scroll my albums looking for pictures and thinking of the perfect gifts. To say that things dropped to the side is an understatement. I can now thankfully laugh about this- but I was set on getting Bo's teachers some Christmas gift from Trader Joe's that I had seen on Instagram. I was going to pick it up during my weekly shopping trip. I forgot that the California stores get much more than the Chicago stores. So of course when I got there, the gift was no where to be found. Hastily, I grabbed three bottles of wine and called it a day. Long story short, I gave his underage, pregnant teachers bottles of wine for their presents. This still gets brought up almost weekly.
So here's what I'm trying to say. This year I'm not letting myself have this daunting checklist. I'm not letting myself get stressed about what people think about my card or presents or lights. Since Northwestern is not having a great season- Bobby isn't traveling for Big Ten or Bowl Games. And I'm jumping at this opportunity to have our family together this December. I made my list of all that the things that I'd like to happen in December. I'm already assuming some of these things won't get done and I'm okay with that. But I think the list has helped me think of all of the things that stress me out the days before.
When I was in college, we used Day Light Savings to do one thing that we have never done before. On Sunday, I used Day Light Savings as an extra hour to help myself out. By the time, nap time hit I was exhausted. I was ready to lay on the couch and scroll Instagram. This DST, I did scroll pictures but they were pictures of my own kids. Each year, I'm frantically looking for my favorite pictures from the year to create a book for our parents. The end product is lovely, but the process typically terrible. But not this year, I needed to do something brainless on Sunday and I used this time to do something productive and therapeutic. And here I am to say, our books are very close to being finished.
So here are somethings that I am doing to make this year better for me.
1. Grace. I'm created my list this weekend. Next weekend, I'm going to cross three things off of the list that someone else has told me is important. On my to-do list, I have wrap Christmas books. I'm pretty sure that is coming off of the list. Our kids forgot last year and just loved reading books.
2. Reality. I wrote a quick paragraph about what I hope my kids say about their Christmases and holidays when someone asks them in the future. These are my number one priorities. Like are my kids going to worry about the perfect Christmas picture or remember playing with their cousins around the fireplace. This picture made me cry a lot last year. I'm not letting that happen this year.
3. Take Care of Myself. I cried a lot last year. I was worried about family pictures and what I would wear and showing up as this person that could do it all. This seems selfish, but I'm going to say it. I feel like a million dollars when I look the way I want. I am already looking for my Christmas outfit, so that I show up the way I need to. My kids are going to look cute no matter what they wear, this year I need to take care of myself.
4. Saying No. There are a million holiday celebrations in the city. I am taking myself off the calendar unless it is a huge HELL YES for me.
Remember, your kids catch onto the feel and your emotions. You could be in a truck stop with a smile on your face and they would think it is the best holiday ever. I never want my kids to say that I ran around stressed out and crying every Christmas.
This year, I'm stepping back and having more cups of hot chocolate, more Christmas books and driving through the Christmas lights. I'm also planning ahead a lot more. A little each week will help me make sure that I can be in the moment for all of those small memories.
